(By Roger Mortis, 318/198)
The year is 2017, the location is South China, the city of Guangzhou in particular, and the main protagonists are a pair of Swamp Eels. And the reason? The reason in Alcohol, as in plenty of it.
When vast amounts of bad Alcohol are mixed with a sudden surge of insanity, results could sometimes be quite epic. And as it rarely happens, our lead role in this story is an anonymous Chinese national who one day did something completely different. Stuck in a job he hated, living in a rented room with not many inches to spare, his inner turmoil mixed with the external pressure resulted in taking the road never taken before.
As it stands, the name of this middle aged man is not published by the Chinese media. The event itself was widely publicized though. We will never know who was he, and why he chose to inflict such a trouble to himself. We know his approximate age being mid forties and his occupation being a construction worker and his passion was being an Alcoholic.
Around 10.March 2017, this man went out of his room with a strange notion of obtaining a pair of live Eels, something that not many people would think of doing. And obtain them he did! As it happens, Eels were common beasts in the swamps around Guangzhou so his choice of pets wasn`t that strange.
Only he did not buy them for a purpose of sticking them into an Aquarium. Oh no, he had different plans for them altogether.
Having been drinking all night, this gentleman had an idea, as funny as it was self destructive. That was to push the 15 centimeters long and 3 centimeters wide fish into his Anus! As his sexual orientation wasn`t mentioned in the articles about the case, we can only imagine (or better still, not) what kind of feeling was he after?
Eels being sly and slimy as they usually are, continued to advance up his rectum and probably feeling a bit claustrophobic they ate through and breeched the walls of his intestines and continued to swim around his entrails.
Feeling crushing and severe pain with monumental cramps, the man promptly called for an Ambulance. When the ambulance staff arrived they had a hard time believing the man what actually happened. He was transported to the local hospital and given Digital radiography. Shocking shots obtained by the radiograph were evident enough, he was telling the truth; lo and behold, there they were, a pair of Swamp Eels in his stomach cavity!
Doctors quickly decided on a surgery as the rummaging Eels could damage internal organs and there was the risk of Sepsis as well. And so, less than 24 hours after the event took place, the fish were extracted from his insides. We don`t know if the eels were drunk as he was, having to taste his blood full of Alcohol.
Having had his 15 minutes of fame, or perhaps infamy, the man was put on intensive care for a few days, just to be on the safe side. Apart of newspaper glory, this event probably went down in First responders lore, forever a meme, forever a topic of laughter.
We are not privy to information about his life after the event, did he win the lottery, has he been lucky in love, has he again decided to kill the everyday routine and boredom with another rectal application of living organisms or he just drowned his sorrows in Alcohol as usual? All of that remains a mystery.
As the Chinaman went on to live in his deep anonymity, there is no data on the destiny of the eels in question, had they been transformed into a tasty dish or they too went anonymous in the local swamp?
