The experimental medium was put to the test by searching through the space-time expanses of the multiverse. Key terms in the search were `madness`, `dictator`, `megalomania`, `genocide` and `funny`. Several thousand search results immediately appeared, but at the very top were a few notable entities of some characters with mustaches. The medium was activated by initiating the first choice, and this led him to a strange, gloomy place.
The scenography was simple, almost Spartan. A narrow room, a red flag with a swastika on the wall, several sheets of paper, a pen and a pendant with a double runic S. The new digital spiritual medium who has the ability to break through to one of the many parallel dimensions has finally managed to establish a connection with Herr A. Schicklgruber. The holographic projection shows a hot-tempered nervous man with a duck haircut and a funny mustache. The medium addressed the audience with the words - `Mr. Schicklgruber, please introduce yourself to our audience, who are you and how would you describe yourself?`
A. Schicklgruber - `Uhm... tough question. Let's see... I am the savior of the Aryan race, the Führer of the thousand-year-old German Reich and I would say the wet dream of every blond-haired and blue-eyed German woman over the age of 14. Without a doubt, I am the most important man who has ever been born or will be born. To be clear, I must mention something at the beginning. I may have missed something, sometimes I forget things, thanks to Bormann for managing to upload me to a hard drive in time and get me out of Berlin.`
The medium - `I trust you will not mind if we get straight to the point, do you know that you are considered the most evil man who has ever existed?
A. Schicklgruber - `I know, Houston Stuart Chamberlain told me once when we met here. That's just evil talk that the damned filthy Jews are talking about, I'm not evil and I don't hate people, but I think that there is an order among peoples, a hierarchy, let's say. The Aryans are at the top, naturally... and it is their destiny to lead and rule the world. Who else will rule, the French? The Russians?`
The medium - `You don't think that this is a simple psychological reverse projection where, from one's own physical shortcomings, through fantasy, theses about the existence of...`
A. Schicklgruber - `No, no, I have to interrupt you, the last time I heard such nonsense was from Lanz von Liebenfels. I see that you are not familiar with my ideas, some peoples simply have no other purpose than to serve the Aryan race. If they don't like the place that nature has intended for them, they can try to fight against the natural order and eventually they will die out. That's it.`
The medium - `I will try to direct the conversation to your personality. Besides, how do you fill your free time?`
A. Schicklgruber - `I don't have much free time left, in the break between building the fourth Reich here, in Antarctica and writing memoirs I sometimes relax with a glass of kefir or an amphetamine, I think you young people now call it Speed or Crystal Meth. At least that's what Karl Haushofer told me. And he never lies to me. Since we introduced the Internet to Antarctica, from time to time I read something on these new sites, are they called blogs... anyway, there are interesting opinions there! But there is also nonsense, a typical example of degenerate short literature is the blog HOW BIZARRE, I am especially irritated by blog posts from a guy who is constantly ranting about something, mocking our Holy Reich and the family values of the new Race. It must be some Zionist garbage...
The Medium - `We know that you are a man who often travels and meets new people. We also know that you are a great lover of animals, plant-based food and women. What would you say about a woman as a biological creature?`
A. Schicklgruber - `A woman is a mother. A woman is a wife. Outside of that, a woman does not exist. And for me there is only Eve, my unrequited love that Bormann unfortunately did not manage to transfer to a hard drive. But I do not lose hope, the Gestapo, Abwehr and Ahnenerbe are looking for dear Dr. Shiro Ishii, a talented Japanese geneticist as they say. I exist in the hope that he will succeed in cloning Eve.
The medium - `Do you still have hope for the resurrection of the Reich?
A. Schicklgruber - `It's not about hope, the Fourth Reich already exists, under our control is an entire continent that used to be called Antarctica and is now called New Germany. There, in underground bases, millions of fertile women are constantly being impregnated by a small but patriotically horny group of Aryans, and Albert Speer convinces me that by 2039 we will have enough young soldiers who will set out to conquer the world. Okay, we have small problems with pigmentation, somehow they immediately turn red if they go outside, in the sun, Doctor Mengele will come up with something, so I guess we didn't waste so many Jews and gypsies in experiments for nothing?!`
The medium - `Let's introduce an unexpected dimension into the conversation. Who is your favorite football team?`
A. Schicklgruber - `Are you kidding? Football is a pastime for the common people, it was probably invented by the Jews in order to distract the people from having children and raising mature and responsible Aryans. As a young man, when I lived in Liverpool with my brother before the first war, they took me to a match once, but it was not interesting...`
The Medium - `What do you think about the new wave of extreme right that is emerging across Europe as a result of the collision of indigenous cultures with migrations?
A. Schicklgruber - `What can I tell you, tears of joy come to my eyes when I watch on television how young, clean-shaven men in large groups move through Hamburg, Toulouse, Moscow or Budapest and beat up members of the lower races. It is a sign that racial consciousness is slowly taking shape and that the day when the world will fall under our feet again is approaching!`
The medium - `But Germany is flooded with immigrants of lower racial origin, what are we doing about it?`
A. Schicklgruber - `Nothing, the Jewish-Zionist traitorous government that now sits in Berlin will be severely punished and sent to camps! Germany knows, my suffering mother, how it looks, back in 1919 the so-called Weimar government stabbed us in the back. Nothing new and nothing that our homeland cannot overcome.`
The medium - `How do you view the development of fascism in other countries?
A. Schicklgruber - `There is great potential in several countries, Hungary as our traditional ally seems to be on the right track, in Galicia the number of blue population was increasing, Liechtenstein is racially pure and recently I heard about the discovery of a new race that was characterized by going out on the terrace for some reason, I didn't understand what exactly it was about but I don't have any more detailed information anyway, if you know anything about it feel free to communicate... here in Neuschwabenland the internet is very slow, you know...`
The medium - `What do you have to say to the little Jews who will be grown-up and strong Jews in 2039?
A. Schicklgruber - `If one day some guys in uniforms designed by my favorite fashion designer Hugo Boss come and knock on your door, calmly go with them, and after you get off the train and after they put you in a room without windows - don't be afraid, it's just showers...`
The experiment was suddenly interrupted. The connection with the other dimension was lost for a time.
(Roger Mortis, 136)
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